Posts Tagged ‘relationship issues’

Dealing With Difficulties In Relationships for Individuals

Monday, December 3rd, 2018

Most people who come to receive individual therapy feel they need help with issues like depression, anxiety, compulsive issues, avoidance or performance issues, when in fact, many of their issues boil down to relationship issues.

Feeling alone, unsupported or frightened in the world is a common breeding ground for many psychological conditions and illnesses.

This is not to say that those who are in good, solid romantic relationships or friendships do not need counseling, but that the issues grow and transform much faster when one person feels not alone and unsupported.

Part of the reason there are so many relationship problems today is that we are living in a world of alienation. This trend started way before the technological boom with families moving away and living apart from one another. However, today’s use of technology further alienates people from having regular personal interactions, further causing separation and aloneness.

Relationships with others and the feeling of belonging to a clan or a group is necessary for humans to thrive. It is critical to understand this and make all efforts to disconnect from technology, work obligations and whatever else that keeps us apart from our human contact and connections.

If you feel like your relationships are lacking and you cannot find a way to resolve these difficulties, you should seek professional counseling. A good therapist can help identify the role you play in this and help bridge the gaps in the interpersonal difficulties that need to be tended to or mended.

 

Why Is Honesty Important In A Relationship?

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2016

Importance of Honesty in A RelationshipI was recently interviewed for an article in a magazine about the importance of honesty in a relationship. Honesty is paramount in all relationships, and I am talking here about romantic relationships.

I think honesty is probably the MOST important thing for a relationship to survive and thrive. It is a foundation for everything else and is critical in all areas of a couples’ life together. It is essential when discussing and making decisions about children, finances, work, and social life and without it, everything else is unstable and shaky. It is like a house that has structural problems, sooner or later it will fall apart or will need constant repair, only to have problems again.

If there is the lack of honesty, you never truly know who your partner is and what is happening in their inner and outer world.

Dishonesty can be about feelings and thoughts as well as about behavior. Both are extremely damaging to a relationship. Lack of trust will always lead to conflict, doubt, suspicion, insecurity, or anger. It is a wound that keeps getting infected.

I see many couples in my practice who come in to deal with “trust issues.” Breach of trust is a major trauma to a relationship and we, therapists, call it “attachment trauma.” It means exactly as it sounds; it is a blow to a feeling of being connected, attached, loved, protected and cared for which are reasons why we seek romantic love, to begin with. When this connection is shattered or even shaken, a predictable negative cycle of attack-defense usually sets in which leads many couples to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and tears at the very fabric of love. Many relationships do not survive this trauma.

If you and your partner are stuck in this cycle, consider seeking professional help to help you navigate the tear in your relationship and, maybe, get to a place of repair.

Is Your Relationship Making You Crazy In Love Or Driving You Crazy?

Wednesday, October 28th, 2015

A reporter recently asked me this question. I had to think about it for a moment as both situations can make you feel off balance, off center and anxious.

I think a major distinction is that being crazy in love is a pleasurable feeling even if somewhat unsettling… Most of us crave this feeling and want to hold on to it as long as possible. It is an emotional high in which the anxiety comes from feeling vulnerable. But it is a state that makes us feel very alive, excited about life, albeit it somewhat scared of loosing the feeling and the person.

When being in love drives us crazy, it is a feeling and a state that is quite untenable and we do not want to remain in that state for a long time as it interferes with other important areas of our life and functioning. It is a state of angst, frustration, anxiety and is extremely uncomfortable. It is a feeling that something is wrong, the relationship is wrong or not good for us. It is an unhappy state.

Sometimes being in love drives us crazy because there is fear of something going wrong, our feelings being unrequited, jealousy and possessiveness can take over. Bur when the feelings of love are mutual and the people involved are reasonably stable, this feeling grows into a mature, fulfilling love. In contrast the craziness evolves into dysfunction and despair, can evolve into depression. This is a kind of a relationship people end up in therapy to get help getting out of.