Pre-Marital Counseling NYC

Premarital Counseling is a great way to prepare for marriage and its ups and downs. It is a well-known fact that a high percentage of marriages end in divorce for many reasons. Some marriages end because couples feel they have made the wrong choice or have found that they no longer work with their spouse. Some get divorced because they have resentments, unmet needs and conflicts that erode empathy, connection and love. Often times, attempts to communicate escalate into negative cycles (arguments) and spouses do not know how repair and nurture a shaken emotional connection. This is why premarital counseling is so beneficial to New York City couples.

Why Should Couples Consider Premarital Counseling?

The purpose of pre-marriage counseling is to build a relationship that have a better chance to last. Marriages go through many seasons and will often see many ups and downs. Preparing for those challenging times will equip you as a couple to navigate and survive those seasons. However, during the exciting season of wedding planning, most of your attention is focused on your engagement and wedding and “red flags” are often ignored and not addressed early on increasing your risk of trouble in the future.

Effective Pre-marital Counseling can help address and resolve budding conflicts before they blossom into “irreconcilable differences”. Just like any good Couples Therapy, Pre-marital Counseling is a great away to explore and address any potential differences early on, so the couple can feel on solid ground when they enter this important milestone in their life and relationship.

It is my belief that the more you know about yourself and your partner’s strengths and vulnerabilities, the clearer you are about what you agree and disagree about, the more realistic you can be about your marriage and keeping it growing, exciting and fulfilling.

While premarital counseling is typically encouraged or even required for those getting married in a religious ceremony, secular couples can also benefit from it.

To learn more about pre-marital counseling in New York City or to set up an in person or virtual session with Irina Firsten, LCSW, call (212) 953-1388 or contact us online.

How is Premarital Counseling Different from Couples Therapy?

Premarital Counseling sometimes is different and sometimes is not from Couples Therapy. Both involve working with couples. Sometimes when a couple is seeking Premarital Counseling, they are actually already experiencing conflict between each other like many married and unmarried couples do. They are calling it Premarital Counseling because they are not married yet or because they are having difficulties dealing with the fact that they are having problems they are not able to resolve on their own.

Sometimes it is, actually, premarital because they want to discuss concerns that they know may come up after they are married or in the future, such as how to handle finances, how many kids they will have or where to live.

What are The Goals of Premarital Counseling in New York City?

The goal of premarital counseling in New York City is to identify and address as soon as possible actual or potential issues that exist or are likely to present themselves for a particular couple. There may be some relational concerns that are evident, sometimes issues come up during wedding planning between partners and/or their families, which point to potential or actual problems in the present or in the future, and sometimes there are differences about goals for each individual or a couple.

Who Can Benefit from Pre-Marriage Counseling?

Most couples in New York City can benefit from premarital counseling. Marriage is probably the most important choice one makes in life and there are many decisions, questions and concerns that are better dealt with sooner rather than later.

Common Reasons People Come To Counseling Before Marriage:

There are many reasons a couple will decide to seek premarital counseling. Some of those reasons may include:

• Fighting, conflicts
• Communication problems
• Feeling disconnected
• Stuck in blame/defense patterns
• Questioning your choice of Spouse
• Doubts about marriage
• Trust issues
• Feeling a need to address resentments that may have built up

Benefits of Pre-Marriage Counseling for Couples

• An opportunity to air out, discuss and resolve current conflicts and concerns.
• A way to better understand what each partner’s visions are for the future life in detail.
• A chance to understand and process differences and similarities between backgrounds and families.
• Have a chance to consider cultural and/religious differences and what that would mean for your marriage and family.
• An opportunity to have potentially difficult conversations in a safe space.

What to Expect During Premarital Counseling Sessions

During premarital counseling sessions I offer you in New York, an opportunity to explore your relationship in an atmosphere of safety, honesty and trust is created together. We can learn together what drew you to each other and what makes you a great team. I also have couples take a written questionnaire which enables me to have a better understanding of their feelings and thoughts about important issues such as money and time management, work and careers goals and plans, their relationship with themselves and each other’s families, timing and number of children, thoughts about child care, needs for individuality within the context of a couple, household chores and duties and, of course, sex and romance. After reviewing the questionnaire you will have a more thorough understanding of where you stand on these issues and will be able to identify potential areas of conflict. From there I will be able to help you address these potential issues in premarital counseling.

It is unrealistic to think that a couple has to agree on everything. EVERY couple has “irreconcilable differences” in their marriage. However, it is not the differences that lead to divorce, but rather how they are communicated and dealt with that makes or breaks marriages.

In my work with New York couples about to get married, I use psychoeducation, relationship coaching and experiential interactions all of which are intended to restructure communication in order to create connection, empathy and build a foundation for a marriage is designed to last.

Important Tips About Marriage

• Differences and disagreements are inevitable and do not mean you are not meant to be together.
• All married couples have issues that they disagree about and will continue to disagree about throughout their life together.
• Sex and Romance ebb and flow over time. It is important to make time for sex and create moments of romance and excitement. They don’t have to be compared to earlier times, but can evolve into something new.
• Often marriages change after a birth of a child. It is normal and to be expected. It does not mean your love and romance are over. You are now parenting not just romantic partners. Hang in and find those special moments.
• Be open to change within individual and couple. When getting married, we promise to stay together, but we do not have to stay the same.
• The most important key to marital satisfaction is how you repair conflicts.

One of the secrets to a good marriage is addressing pre-marriage issues before they become irreparable. Premarital counseling will help you create the best possible sustainable relationship together. To learn more about pre-marital counseling or to set up an in person or virtual session, call (212) 953-1388 today and speak to Irina Firstein, LCSW.

Client Testimonials

“My then fiancee and I approached Irina a few months before we got married. I found her to be extraordinarily insightful, fair and attentive. Irina has a computer like memory and a God given ability to see through the clutter and get to the underlying issues.

Irina is a great listener and helps clients see perspectives they might not have been aware of. Highly, highly recommended.” – Amer J.

“Irina is a very skilled counselor. She is very perceptive and provided me insight into the relationship issues with which I was handling. She then gave me suggested responses which have been most helpful. I recommend her without reservation.” – Shari W.

“Irina Firstein is second to none. She is straight forward yet warm, and has the sharpest, most refined sense of perspective you know is coming from the best of places. She is the essence of compassion, honesty, and absolute trust.” – Diana G.

Pre-Marital Counseling FAQs

Is premarital counseling only for couples who are experiencing relationship problems?

No, Premarital Counseling can be extremely helpful for couples that are doing well. It is a chance to work on creating a shared vision of the future, understand better each other’s wants and needs and hopes.

When is the best time to start premarital counseling?

There is no best time but ideally not right before the wedding.

What if one of us is hesitant about attending counseling before marriage?

This happens often. It is very important to understand and explore the reason for the hesitation. It, in itself, can be a warning sign or just fear of the unknown, but it is good to know.

Will I be forced to share things I don’t want to share?

No one can force anyone to share what they don’t want to share. But I, as a therapist, am always curious about this.

Can premarital counseling help with blending a family and step-parenting?

One of the very valuable aspects of Premarital Counseling is to get help with such issues. Blending a family or step parenting are very sensitive and at times difficult aspects for a new marriage. Very rarely does this go smoothly. Many new families struggle because these issues were not dealt with and ignored.

How does premarital counseling address roles and responsibilities in marriage?

As other topics, both partners get to think about and discuss how they see roles and responsibilities in a marriage, which in my view is a romantic partnership. Sometimes partners have clear ideas and at other times this evolves organically. Sometimes these views need to be compromised and adjusted. But it is good to have an idea of what the expectations are.

What if we have different religious or cultural backgrounds?

This happens often and it is important, again, to be clear on how religion, customs, holidays and child rearing will look like when different religions are an issue. This is often a very emotional issue for partners and their families of origin. It is important for partners to be able to talk about this openly and honestly in a safe space.

How long does premarital counseling typically last?

There is no set number of sessions for Premarital Counseling. It depends on presenting issues that need to be discussed as well as overall quality and the nature of the relationship and willingness to be open.

How much does premarital counseling cost?

I charge the same fees for Premarital Counseling as I do Couples Therapy. See our fees page here.

How to find the right therapist in New York City?

If you think Premarital Counseling will be beneficial for you, start researching best therapists who provide this service. Ask other friends for referrals or look on the internet. Think about what qualifications or approach would resonate with both of you.

How to get started?

To set up an appointment, please call (212) 953-1388 or contact me online. I have both an in-person therapy office location in Manhattan (370 Lexington Ave #514, New York, NY 10017) and the ability to see clients virtually.

Sessions available in person, by phone or on Skype.