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Frequently Asked Questions – Couples Therapy

How long does couples therapy take?

There is no way to know how long any given couples therapy will take. It depends on the goals, on the couple and their present issues as well as how long the issues have been going on for the couple. Also, it is very important that there is strong motivation, commitment between partners and openness to explore and be able to apply what is revealed and communicated in the sessions and eventually outside the sessions. And, of course, there needs to be a good match between the couple and therapist.

How do we know who is the right therapist for us?

There is, unfortunately, not a straightforward way to answer this, but that being said:

  • Basic personal chemistry
  • Experience and training and ideally certification in one of the methods of Couples Therapy, such as Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Relational ( Terry Real), Imago Therapy.
  • Feeling of Safety in the sessions.
  • Therapist does not take sides.
  • Therapist really understands what the couple dynamic is and can provide helpful feedback that can be actually used by the couple.
  • Sense that the relationship is improving and progress being made, better communication, more good feelings between partners.

Is it normal that we are not even married and are already in couples therapy?

Not at all. This tells me that you understand that the sooner issues are addressed and, hopefully, resolved instead of festering and getting more rigidly entrenched, the better things will be. It tells me how much you care about the relationship. You actually are ahead of many couples. Good for you!

How often do we need to see a coupes therapist?

I usually see a new couple once a week, unless there is a major crisis, in which case it may be more often. Once we are approaching reaching couples goals for therapy, I will usually suggest every other week. Some couples who are doing really well request to see me once a month to make sure they are continuing to do well. With some, we eventually stop therapy.

How long are the sessions?

I offer 45-minute and 60-minute sessions. In some cases, when requested, I can accommodate 90-minute sessions.

Can a relationship be saved if one of the partners is having an affair?

Yes, absolutely a relationship can be saved. It can even be better after really good couples therapy. That being said, therapy cannot happen until the affair is over. It needs to be over and the cheating partner has to commit to that.

What can we expect to happen in Couples Therapy when there has been an affair?

Both partners need to be prepared to be brutally honest and willing to deal with strong emotions. There will also need to be an examination of what the relationship issues were prior to the affair. The Injured partner needs to be prepared to look at his/her part in what may have led to the affair and take responsibility for that. The partner who had the affair also must take full responsibility for their behaviors and be prepared to answer many questions.

Ultimately, the underlying issues need to be addressed and worked on for the relationship to heal and become healthier. Many of my couples go on to have better relationships than prior to the affair.

There are some situations where the affair occurs in good relationships, even quite sexual and loving ones. In these cases, there may be sexual addiction which is more of an individual issue and the treatment will need to be for that partner.

Sessions available in person, by phone or on Skype.