During my therapy sessions with couples, many complain about their partner having to take calls and work on vacations. There are some professions that are worse than others in this respect. 

There are no easy solutions for this. Many workplaces simply will not tolerate any push back from employees on this issue. I think the most important issue is to take a wide view of this and decide what is important. 

Sometimes, it is understood that for a period of time, especially starting out,  it is inevitable that you have to just work and put your personal life on the shelf or have an understanding with your partner about the inevitability of such a work/life imbalance for some time. 

However, if a personal relationship and personal life are of value, it is critical to not allow this to go on indefinitely and not buy into a completely work-driven lifestyle. This is unhealthy and destructive to all relationships in one’s life. 

The idea is that either this is a time-limited situation or that a different career path may have to be considered. There are no easy answers to this.

Some of the ideas to reclaim your personal time are:

• Use personal time as fully and effectively as possible, i.e. make plans to see people, do things that have made you feel good historically
• If the situation really becomes intolerable put your foot down and talk to the superiors about needing time off or easing the schedule. Be prepared for consequences by weighing the pros and cons.
• Be prepared to not advance as fast as you may want to in your position, it may be better, in the long run, to go slower at it but maintain other parts of life.
• Make sure the priorities are there, in that your physical and mental health come before anything else.
• Choose your career thoughtfully, it’s not for everyone to work 18 hours a day.
• Make sure to take time off/vacations when possible and plan this ahead.
• Seek individual therapy in times when you feel work is negatively affecting your stress levels or causing anxiety.

The post How Can I Prevent Work From Negatively Affecting My Personal Life? first appeared on Irina Firstein, LCSW.

Unfortunately, stress is part of everyone’s life, especially living in New York City. The stimuli, the expenses, and the stress of city living, to name a few, can magnify issues. Additionally, some people are simply more prone to feeling stress than others. 

This is all built into being an adult and having responsibility. There are multiple worries we all experience almost daily, especially as we become adults. Our lives have many moving parts. There often are financial worries, job stress, relationship difficulties, family issues and, of course, raising children. These are the most common triggers. 

When the pressure builds up with no apparent release or resolution or even when there is simply too much of it, most of us, even the strongest, feel stress. We all know by now that stress is not good for our physical and mental health. Yet, for most of us, it’s unavoidable.

So the question becomes, what can we do to cope better with Stress?

Of course, we all know that we need to eat healthy, exercise and get enough sleep. Indeed all three of these things are critical, but what else?

Here are some of the stress reduction practices many of my patients find helpful:

1. It is very beneficial to get at least 5-10 minutes of mindfulness meditation per day.  For those who don’t know what to do, get the Waking Up app by Sam Harris. It’s simple and good.
2. When the stress starts to build up, ask yourself “Is this life and death?” Almost always it is not. Everyone is alive at the moment, including you. Think about it.
3. Do some deep breathing and focus on the present moment, it is related to the first two suggestions but a little different. You will find that at this very moment, everything is OK.
4. Tell yourself that you will find a solution to whatever is going on in time, we always do.
5. Think about good things in your live – practice gratitude. A good thing to do every day in the morning and at night.
6. Make time to be with loved ones and have some fun. Think of enjoyable activities and do them, and laugh….
7. Talk to a trusted, wise friend about what is going on or seek professional help.
8. Remind yourself that life is full of challenges and that it is just how it is to feel some pressure and struggle with life stuff.
9. Try to be really clear about what it is that is stressing you at this moment.

Try some of these stress reduction tips and see how you do. If you need more professional help, you can always reach out to a therapist who specializes in individual therapy too.

The post Nine Ways to Cope with Stress Better first appeared on Irina Firstein, LCSW.