Posts Tagged ‘relationship advice’

My Partner and I Have A Large Age Gap – Does Age Really Matter in A Relationship?

Sunday, June 26th, 2016

Relationships are not easy and in my experience, a large age gap adds complexities to an already often challenging situation.

I consider a large age gap if a man is over 15 years than the woman, or the woman is 7-10 years older than the man.

One of the issues that arise with a large age gap is that there is usually a generation gap which often means a parental dynamic between partners which ultimately becomes annoying, unsexy and dysfunctional. This generation gap between partners becomes more pronounced as partners get older, oddly enough.

In a typical situation, the age difference is not an obvious problem until partners start to age. In fact, when they are relatively young it feels great to be with someone who is wiser and more experienced in life, who knows more, “has been around the block.” However, with aging not only generation gap becomes greater, but also the barring unusual circumstances, the level of physical activity, including sexual activity and desire, becomes different. This leads to resentment and frustration and, ultimately, diminished attraction and connection. These differences result in feelings of aloneness, guilt and sometimes depression.

As partners age, there is often a difference in their mental acuity and activity. With physical slow down and health issues, there is often less interest in outside activities as well as social life. As much as I hate to say this, there is just less attraction to your aging partner, which many couples experience, fueled by the limitations it places on the younger partner.

What one of the most common complaints partners with a significant age gap talk about is the discrepancy in sexual desire and functioning. It leads to anger and depression in both partners and often to infidelity and abandonment. It is a real and serious issue which can and does happen to couples that are close in age, however in this scenario; it is a given at a certain point.

Finally, an obvious issue is that while most of us are fearful of our partner’s mortality, this fear is greatly magnified if your partner is much older.

Consider these points before you say “yes” to a partner much older than yourself.

6 Characteristics of a Good Relationship

Saturday, June 4th, 2016

There are many things that make a good relationship, but these are the ones that came to mind as I thought about it after a particularly emotional difficult work week.

  • A good relationship is a romantic partnership. What this means is that two people are able to be partners in life and challenges. They can work together on projects, share same or similar goals, complement each other in accomplishing things that need to be done and taking into account their abilities, strengths, etc. Also with that, there is a great importance placed on romance and an erotic connection between them. This manifests in a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and a high premium on fun and romantic activities and gestures, like surprise spontaneous plans, gifts, and activities.
  • In a good relationship, there is genuine caring and concern for the other person’s well-being and feeling of joy in their life. You want your partner to feel good and happy as much as realistically possible. This is important to both partners in regards to each other.
  • You can talk about anything and everything and feel listened to, heard and hopefully understood, and comforted when needed. It is very important to feel that your partner has your back and your best interests at heart.
  • You can be vulnerable and express “weakness” to your partner. It is important to be able to expose most personal, even shameful or simply vulnerable feelings and feel “held”, rather than ridiculed, rejected, criticized or further shamed for the feelings expressed. Some of this may include fears about the attachment or insecurity about desirability and attraction from your significant other.
  • It is important not only that you LOVE your partner but that you like them as a human being. If possible, it is good to admire and respect him or her. This brings a great energy to the connection and often solidifies that bond.
  • It greatly helps a relationship to be good and satisfying if you like each other’s family origin and have a compatible (not necessarily the same) view of religion. These are important aspects of one’s life and when there is a conflict here, it often will tear at the most intense romantic connections.

3 Common Relationship Issues Everyone Experiences

Tuesday, May 24th, 2016

Recently, I contributed to an online dating publication. The journalist wanted my input on common problems that occur in relationships.

These difficulties occur in almost all relationships with, of course, some very few exceptions. It occurs less in relationships where one or both people guard against these problems because of wisdom or intuition. This involves awareness and effort. And there are some relationships which I call “soul mates”.

I have encountered 2 couples so far in my personal life where things are just effortlessly easy, fulfilling and fun. But most of us do not fit into that category and therefore, must be proactive to fight against these issues.

  • Taking each other for granted is a relationship killer. Essentially after being together for some time and feeling secure with one another, there is a tendency to put less effort into the relationship. Small things or big things that happened that made your partner feel loved, special and appreciated don’t happen anymore. This also takes a form of carelessness about one’s appearance and efforts to be attractive and desired by your mate. My advice: think about your partner and particularly about what would make him or her feel happier, more values, desired and wanted. Most infidelities happen because people want to feel special and attractive.
  • Sex and romance take a second or third seat and becomes boring. Sexual intensity and frequency tend to decrease as a relationship progresses. Changes in desire, busy schedules, other responsibilities, work pressures, stress lead to diminished activity and sexual desire, which, by the way, is the most common sexual problem facing couples and sex therapists today. Sexual intimacy and romance are important to most people and if they do not get it in their relationship they may get depressed or look for it elsewhere. Even if they don’t look for it, if there is an opportunity, they go for it. And even if there are no extramarital affairs, there will be resentment and distance in a relationship. My advice is to prioritize sex. It is critical to think about it and create time and space for it.
  • You don’t have fun anymore. One of the common relationship issues for couples that have been together for a while is that they start having less fun and life in general feels less exciting. There are no more fun spontaneous trips, adventures, and outings. There is a tendency to not do new things or even things you did when you were first together. It is critical to have some fun and think of fun things you can do together besides go out to have dinner. It’s important to continue having fun.